I'm convinced that there are 3 types of bloggers in this world.
The first is the aspiring writer who can use their efforts to generate revenue.
The second is the hopeful writer who wishes they could break through to the point of making money from their efforts.
The third is the writer who forgets they have a blog and might remember to write a post every couple years.
I don't even remember the last post I wrote on here. I'd go back and check but in the time it took me to log in to this account I almost decided to not write. I'm not always a motivated individual, that much is obvious as reflected by my life at times.
I'll spare doing a really long update on life. Brevity isn't my strong suit but basically I resigned from a youth pastorate, accepted an opportunity that seems once in a lifetime for someone like me, quit that job a year later despite thoroughly enjoying it in order to move to be close to the woman I loved despite not knowing if we'd be able to make things work once we were close in proximity.
I married her a year and a half later (May of 2015). When it comes to gambling, maybe the house doesn't ALWAYS win.
It's.
Hard.
For.
Me.
To.
Go.
To.
Church.
But thanks to my wife (and my father-in-law being a pastor), I go just about every week. I skip every once in awhile when I'm ailing from the DontwannagetupearlyonaSunday bug or when I travel out of town (my introverted nature makes me feel stir crazy so a quick jaunt to OKC, Kansas City, etc can do a lot of good for my energy).
In college, a couple books connected with me that I think explain where I'm at in life; A Royal Waste of Time by Marva Dawn and Desiring the Kingdom by James K. A. Smith. They both dealt with the idea of pushing through the valleys of our spiritual life, maintaining habits that sometimes feel empty or a waste of time. Going to Church sometimes feels like a waste of time to me. In general, many congregations feel more like country clubs to me than community gardens. Instead of all being truly welcomed and expected to contribute and reap the harvest, it can sometimes feel like an emphasis on walls makes way for a pseudo community where only a few people contribute most.
There is an ongoing tension between viewing success by tangibles (number of attendees, tithing dollars, new buildings, and number of programs and ministries filling up the calendar) and viewing it by intangibles like whether the congregation is truly reflecting Jesus to the world around it. My critiques are not meant to be bitter grapes or negative toward the Christian Church. I truly say them as a way of expressing my hopes for what it might become.
I miss being a pastor.
And yet it won't surprise me if I never go back, partially due to my own fear and partially because I don't know if there is a church out there willing to let me lead. I've come to terms with this over time. It hasn't been easy.
I originally resigned for two reasons.
The first was that I felt that my teachings were poisoning those I was tasked with leading. This is strong and limited language. In truth I hold firmly to my convictions and do not regret that I preached the Gospel as I interpreted it. The problem was that the parents of my teens may not have been open to an interpretation that did not place the same emphasis on specific issues in society as theirs and the methods or action items of living out that interpretation were different than theirs. I'm generalizing obviously as this wasn't the case with everyone.
The second was that I quite simply couldn't afford to live on my salary. It wasn't that church's fault, just a reality I had to live in. The only financial aid advice I received in college was that I should sign my name on the correct line of a master promissory note if I didn't want to have to bring all those boxes I had just lugged up four flights of stairs back down and move out. At 18 you can smoke, vote, and enlist. You're an adult and facing up to the consequences of your actions is a tough lesson to learn. Nobody forced me to sign for those loans. I could have just dropped out and packed up my car.
...I do wish those folks who told me where to sign my name would have asked me what my major was (theology), what career I wanted (pastor), told me what I might make in a year (let's just say in the $30k or so range), and told me what kind of monthly payment I might be asked to make.
Before you label me a full millennial, it's still my fault.
During my time at SNU I was invited to participate in the ministerial internship program. Over the course of 4 years in that program it would pay the equivalent of 50% of the full tuition, with the amount increasing each year. Unfortunately for me the program decided shortly after I began that rather than all but guarantee 4 years in the program as had been the way it was done for previous years, it would make cuts each year, eliminating a small number each year. It created accountability.
After 2 years in the program, I was held accountable.
I skipped class, didn't do the reading, waited until the last minute to write papers. There were even times when I would show up to class and wonder why everyone just had a pencil out, not having bothered to check the syllabus to see an exam was coming up. For the most part the papers I wrote received an A grade but you can only pretend so much. My overall class grades were not up to par. My reputation was likely not favorable among my peers and the faculty. I missed class so much that I sometimes had daydream nightmares that I had forgotten I was enrolled in a class altogether.
They cut me. I deserved it. They didn't deserve to have to put up with me.
I don't write this to brag about getting by, nor to set up some grand redemption story. I felt like a jerk at the time, I feel even worse about it 5 years later.
God can give you a lifeboat but if you don't climb in, it's not anybody else's fault if you drown.
I write this apology to my professors and peers because they deserve it. I write this confession because I need it. It's not like it's anything they didn't know anyway.
And I write this because I want to tell you Reader, that the greatest lesson I learned from my time in college was that life does not owe anybody anything that they do not earn, for better or worse, and that we are all held accountable eventually.
You can't enjoy the cake if you don't show up to the banquet.
I struggle with wanting to go to Church. I struggle with wanting to read the Bible, with wanting to pray. I'd love to revert back to old habits and skip class (Church), not read the textbooks (scripture), and not put in the effort. I want to live a life that is self-centered, that places me as the god over my own life. I give in to that temptation sometimes, way more than I know I should.
The Church doesn't need to put up with me. It deserves better just as my peers and professors did. I'm glad it does anyway.
It took me 5 years and a lot of pain and struggling to learn a tough lesson, a lesson many learned well before me, a lesson many fellow dummies will learn this year as they try to skate through college and in years to come.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Friday, January 10, 2014
Grocery Church: The customer isn't always right
In talking to someone recently about teenagers, and more particularly, why some struggle to show respect within the church, it got me thinking and while that's a rare occurrence, it bothered me for the past couple days. After all, I'm a part of this group I'm talking about. I like to think I was a respectful teen, and for the most part I never really showed disrespect to others blatantly, but I know I'm no angel here. I often passed notes throughout service instead of paying attention to the message (cell phones weren't quite yet as big a deal as they are today so this stood in place of current texting). I made wise remarks to those beside me about what was being said by the speaker who was trying to speak truth into my life. As a ballpark estimate I probably heard 300 messages in my time in youth group and when you ask me which stood out I can't tell you that many really stood out or were memorable, probably because I never bothered listening.
I only served as a youth pastor for one year but I sit here today, a failed youth minister, who failed not myself, but the teens I had been called to speak truth into the lives of. I'm confident that God overcame my attempts, but I feel that the heart of the issue for my failures might possibly be a theme that churches across the country are seeing, a lie we are confronted with; that in order to reach young people we must sell them on the idea of sticking around long enough to get through to them.
My generation has learned to live by a mentality of "the customer is always right." It permeates every area of our life. We buy the newest phone because our current phone doesn't perform quite as fast, a lot of us trade in our cars every 5 years.
We are the generation raised to accept divorce for far more liberal reasons than scripture might suggest. We're the generation that thinks loyalty to a company for more than 3 years is unthinkable, but the 30 years our parents may have spent with the same company is unattainable. We have come to think that taking care of yourself means abandoning whatever we don't like, but something is lost in that. The lessons of perseverance, mental toughness, and sticking with difficult situations for the sake of others are quickly becoming things of the past.
My generation is one of consumers. We're often criticized for this because trends of a prolonged adolescence and dependency on our parents are becoming closer to the norm. While there are certainly economic factors that go into this, I believe it is only made more acceptable by the acceptance that we should do whatever we want, feel entitled to more than we deserve.
Perhaps the most dangerous thing this consumer mentality does to us is that it teaches us that we are our own expert, a false teaching at that. Under this assumption, we believe that we know what is best for our lives and should have the authority to dictate what kinds of things are allowed to shape us during a time when we have little life experience to draw wisdom from. Instead of learning to love someone for their bumps and bruises, we end relationships that we were never truly committed to. Instead of fixing something that still has years of usefulness, we throw it away and buy another one from Walmart. And instead of letting the Church be more than the world has to offer, we demand that it increasingly move closer toward that line that divides it from the sinful world it is called to love, blurring which side is which over time. If the music isn't what I want, I'll go somewhere else and that youth pastor is faced with what appears to be an impossible choice. Do they buckle to my selfish demands out of fear that they'll risk never having the chance to speak words of truth into my life or do they let me walk out and speak words of truth into my life without making a sound?
Out of all the messages I didn't pay attention to, there was one that my youth pastor taught that I will never forget and it's not one that he planned on or even probably wanted to teach. We were having a teen weekend retreat and the guys all slept in the teen center, an old house that sat in the middle of the church parking lot. Most of us were sleeping in the main room on sleeping bags or air mattresses, but then some of us got the great idea to go into the basement where there were some ratty couches and bring them upstairs. This didn't please my youth pastor and while most probably would have yelled at us because they were tired at 1am (I most likely would have) he didn't make a sound. All he did was get down in a crouch like a catcher in a baseball game might and he rest his head in his hands while staring blankly out into the distance. He did this for what seemed like a half hour, but in reality it might have only been a couple minutes. Our laughter quickly turned to sly remarks and then to defensive justifications to each other before finally reaching the most deafening silence you can imagine. He never said a word. He didn't have to.
The couch went back down the stairs. He never spoke to us about it, nor did he need to.
I think my youth pastor understood that in times when there is need for conflict resolution, to teach a tough lesson to some young people, two things need to happen: 1. truth and what's right must be presented regardless of whether the recipient chooses to accept it or not; 2. it must be presented in love to those who have come to believe that love is only something shown when it's convenient.
He could have easily taken another approach. He could have yelled at us and told us how wrong we were. It would have gotten the point across even though it might have embarrassed us in front of our peers. The couch would have ended up in the basement. Or he could have let us get away with it and had us thinking we had the coolest youth pastor in the entire universe, but truth wouldn't have been presented and in the end he would have just been like any other in his position to give in to be accepted by the popular kids.
Instead he chose to not let us tell ourselves a lie but did so in love. Rather than letting us think in our foolishness that we were in the right, he risked letting us run away to someone who would. Of those who were involved that night, none of us stopped coming. Respect and love is earned, but it's often difficult for young people to truly know what either word means until it's taught to us. Sometimes it takes a church telling its youth that the customer isn't always right, or better yet, that we aren't the customer.
I only served as a youth pastor for one year but I sit here today, a failed youth minister, who failed not myself, but the teens I had been called to speak truth into the lives of. I'm confident that God overcame my attempts, but I feel that the heart of the issue for my failures might possibly be a theme that churches across the country are seeing, a lie we are confronted with; that in order to reach young people we must sell them on the idea of sticking around long enough to get through to them.
My generation has learned to live by a mentality of "the customer is always right." It permeates every area of our life. We buy the newest phone because our current phone doesn't perform quite as fast, a lot of us trade in our cars every 5 years.
We are the generation raised to accept divorce for far more liberal reasons than scripture might suggest. We're the generation that thinks loyalty to a company for more than 3 years is unthinkable, but the 30 years our parents may have spent with the same company is unattainable. We have come to think that taking care of yourself means abandoning whatever we don't like, but something is lost in that. The lessons of perseverance, mental toughness, and sticking with difficult situations for the sake of others are quickly becoming things of the past.
My generation is one of consumers. We're often criticized for this because trends of a prolonged adolescence and dependency on our parents are becoming closer to the norm. While there are certainly economic factors that go into this, I believe it is only made more acceptable by the acceptance that we should do whatever we want, feel entitled to more than we deserve.
Perhaps the most dangerous thing this consumer mentality does to us is that it teaches us that we are our own expert, a false teaching at that. Under this assumption, we believe that we know what is best for our lives and should have the authority to dictate what kinds of things are allowed to shape us during a time when we have little life experience to draw wisdom from. Instead of learning to love someone for their bumps and bruises, we end relationships that we were never truly committed to. Instead of fixing something that still has years of usefulness, we throw it away and buy another one from Walmart. And instead of letting the Church be more than the world has to offer, we demand that it increasingly move closer toward that line that divides it from the sinful world it is called to love, blurring which side is which over time. If the music isn't what I want, I'll go somewhere else and that youth pastor is faced with what appears to be an impossible choice. Do they buckle to my selfish demands out of fear that they'll risk never having the chance to speak words of truth into my life or do they let me walk out and speak words of truth into my life without making a sound?
Out of all the messages I didn't pay attention to, there was one that my youth pastor taught that I will never forget and it's not one that he planned on or even probably wanted to teach. We were having a teen weekend retreat and the guys all slept in the teen center, an old house that sat in the middle of the church parking lot. Most of us were sleeping in the main room on sleeping bags or air mattresses, but then some of us got the great idea to go into the basement where there were some ratty couches and bring them upstairs. This didn't please my youth pastor and while most probably would have yelled at us because they were tired at 1am (I most likely would have) he didn't make a sound. All he did was get down in a crouch like a catcher in a baseball game might and he rest his head in his hands while staring blankly out into the distance. He did this for what seemed like a half hour, but in reality it might have only been a couple minutes. Our laughter quickly turned to sly remarks and then to defensive justifications to each other before finally reaching the most deafening silence you can imagine. He never said a word. He didn't have to.
The couch went back down the stairs. He never spoke to us about it, nor did he need to.
I think my youth pastor understood that in times when there is need for conflict resolution, to teach a tough lesson to some young people, two things need to happen: 1. truth and what's right must be presented regardless of whether the recipient chooses to accept it or not; 2. it must be presented in love to those who have come to believe that love is only something shown when it's convenient.
He could have easily taken another approach. He could have yelled at us and told us how wrong we were. It would have gotten the point across even though it might have embarrassed us in front of our peers. The couch would have ended up in the basement. Or he could have let us get away with it and had us thinking we had the coolest youth pastor in the entire universe, but truth wouldn't have been presented and in the end he would have just been like any other in his position to give in to be accepted by the popular kids.
Instead he chose to not let us tell ourselves a lie but did so in love. Rather than letting us think in our foolishness that we were in the right, he risked letting us run away to someone who would. Of those who were involved that night, none of us stopped coming. Respect and love is earned, but it's often difficult for young people to truly know what either word means until it's taught to us. Sometimes it takes a church telling its youth that the customer isn't always right, or better yet, that we aren't the customer.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Treasure: What would you give up for it?
The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.
-Matthew 13:44-46This verse has been eating at me for an entire week and while I don't claim to be much of a scholar anymore (if I ever was), I feel there's a lot to take away from it. Here we witness Jesus speaking in parables to help understand something that seems beyond human comprehension. It's important to note that he says "is like" rather than "is". Ultimately these parables will fall short but they do a good job getting us closer to understanding that we once were. So what is it saying? I don't know, but I'll tell you what I think it's saying.
First let's get our heads around what exactly we're hearing here. Imagine walking through a field. Maybe if you're like me it's easier to imagine hiking through the woods, wandering and exploring. You come to a clearing and see something sticking out of the ground. It's something extremely valuable, maybe a briefcase full of Google stocks (most companies don't actually issue stock certificates anymore but just imagine). You don't take it because you're afraid it might belong to someone who might not be happy about you having it so you cover it back up to make sure nobody else happens upon it should they come walking through later.
You know the value of that briefcase is extraordinary and you can barely sleep at night. Finally after time goes by of restless nights, you can take no more. You sell your house (you're lucky to be in an area where you can actually sell a house these days), your car, every possession you own so that you can manage enough money to go to the owner of that land and make the best offer possible to buy the property the briefcase is buried on.
What if it's not there after you buy it? What if in the time you went to sell everything, some kid came wandering by and found it and took it home? You just gave up everything. You sold everything you had, your shelter, your transportation, everything that has meaning to you. And you bought that land. That land has far less value without that briefcase, but does the thought of it maybe not being there keep you from giving up all you have?
Nope.
Heaven is that thing (I purposely don't say place) that holds more value than anything you could ever come to own and so if giving up everything to have it is your only chance, you take that chance.
What do you value in this world? I mean, what truly guides your decisions in life?
Are you guided by adventure? Maybe a personal sense of accomplishment. How about money? Do you take that better career at all costs?
Or is it something else? What do you value?
Family? Would you give up anything to be with them?
God? What if that means giving up an entire lifestyle that you've become so comfortable with?
I'm a man, and as such, only know the perspective of a man. I don't know if it's similar for women, tell me if so, but I find that I'm living in a world that so often judges the worth of a man by his ability to earn money. By what he can provide for himself and others. While many would say that there are more important things, I so often realize that others would be impressed by me more if I wore nicer clothes, drove a fast sports car or big truck, or if I owned all kinds of toys that others could try out. That is the world that I live in, and yet, it's not what I value.
Money has never been of high value to me beyond providing needs. I have spent most of my life buying experiences with others rather than things of value. I drive a 1998 Chevy Cavalier with rust on the body and almost 200,000 miles. The only things I could sell for any real value would be my Novara Safari touring bicycle and the MacBook Pro that I'm writing this from. That's about it. I don't have a lot of nice clothes, mostly just comfortable t-shirts. I don't stack up to what many feel is impressive.
And yet, I bought into that world.
I assumed that to be worthy of what mattered to me most, to be loved, that I needed to make more money. I took a job on this assumption, thought it would be impressive. I don't regret much in life because until there is a way to go back in time, there's not much good in regretting things. But I regret taking a job because I felt the money would make me a better person.
There is nothing wrong with money, it serves its purpose in this life, but when we find a true treasure we better be willing to sell or give up all that falls short of it's worth because to not do so would be foolish.
Father, I have withheld so many things that I have placed as at least equally valuable as you. Please forgive me for not understanding that you are the treasure most worth pursuing, the only part of life that can be nothing but good. I thank you for that unconditional love you have for your children, a love we cannot fathom but understand the significance of. I give you what little I have and am and pray that you would allow my life to reflect the undeserved blessings you freely give to all who would give up anything to have you in their lives. Amen.
I leave you with this.
Micah Tawlks - Treasure
Friday, November 1, 2013
Running Lost In The Woods (Psalm 49:12-14)
This morning I found myself in the book of Psalms which to be quite honest, I don't often explore as much as I should. My comfort zone is really in the gospels and even more so in the letters from Paul. I find this a little odd because I myself have long enjoyed writing poetry, despite not having revealed any in quite some time. Poetry has this ability to paint with words in broad strokes and captivate the imagination. It speaks from the heart of the one writing, but also from the heart of the interpreter who is reading it from their own point of view.
Once when I was a kid I was walking through the woods near my house. My dad and a couple others were with me as we were returning from a hike down to the creek and at some point I decided to get out ahead of the group on the path. Eventually I stopped and looked back but did not see anyone. They were hiding to prove a point and it was only when I realized that while I liked the idea of being leader of this hike in theory, I was not the best equipped for it. I didn't know my way back so I turned and sprinted back in the direction from which I came. I tripped over a root and fell face first to the ground. I was cut up and bleeding and I was scared. I lay there unable to move because I knew that I couldn't make it home on my own. It was only then that my dad came out from behind a tree, helped me to my feet and dusted me off before showing me the way.
There are times when God won't feel present, but I wonder if it's not so much that God isn't there with us, but that we've decided to sprint in our own direction without worrying to bring God along. We get the feeling that we know what's best for us and rather than continue to remain by God's side to make sure the way we thought was best really is, we just leave Him in our dust.
Father, we want to be just like you, and it's sometimes hard to remember that even in our best attempts to be like you, there is no better ruler over our lives than you are. In the times when we try to lean on our own strength, our own understanding of the world, we pray for brokenness so that you might be restored to the throne we often try to sit in ourselves. Make us more like you but Lord, we glorify you for who you are, the King of our lives. Help us along the way to know your presence, never let your voice part from our ears. Amen.
Perhaps this is why poetry is the language of music. Almost every popular song out there (regardless of whether it is musically complex) has a theme in that it is written to resonate with others. It might be some beautiful story about love or love lost (Adele, I hope you cheer up soon) but it also might be something far less noble like just looking to have a good time dancing.
Psalms is one of the best collections of poetry in the Bible and it's no wonder that many hymns and even modern worship songs are based around verses taken from this beautiful book of expression about who God is to God's people. It is also a very honest book full of both praise and petition, but also confession of doubt or of a wavering faith.
How many times have I struggled to see God at work in my life? How many times have I found myself overwhelmed by the difficulty situations that this world sometimes brings and wondered, where is God and why can't He just show up in the way I want? The number is probably far too many to count, but it seems that if we're often doubting God and struggling to see His face in this world, we are in good company as countless times throughout Psalms we see mentions of praise for who we believe God is, an assurance that we truly trust that if God could just intervene we know what God is capable of. We also see grief expressed in what often follows which is something to the effect of, "God I know you're the almighty God, a God of love and grace who knows no match, but why then, if you are all of these things, have you not put on your cape and wisked me away from this struggle? I know you could save me from this, but are you going to ever show up?"
But then I stumbled upon something that I really want to focus on. The idea that, yes God can do all things, but that we only allow God's work in our lives to truly glorify Him when we stop relying on ourselves, when we stop putting God in second place to us as ruler over our own life.
People, despite their wealth, do not endure; they are like the beasts that perish. This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings. They are like sheep and are destined to die; death will be their shepherd.
-Psalm 49:12-14Confession time, I wrestle with God constantly over who should have control over my life. God lets me win though and it's only in discovering my inadequacies that I am able to fall on my face and plead for Him to take over.
Once when I was a kid I was walking through the woods near my house. My dad and a couple others were with me as we were returning from a hike down to the creek and at some point I decided to get out ahead of the group on the path. Eventually I stopped and looked back but did not see anyone. They were hiding to prove a point and it was only when I realized that while I liked the idea of being leader of this hike in theory, I was not the best equipped for it. I didn't know my way back so I turned and sprinted back in the direction from which I came. I tripped over a root and fell face first to the ground. I was cut up and bleeding and I was scared. I lay there unable to move because I knew that I couldn't make it home on my own. It was only then that my dad came out from behind a tree, helped me to my feet and dusted me off before showing me the way.
There are times when God won't feel present, but I wonder if it's not so much that God isn't there with us, but that we've decided to sprint in our own direction without worrying to bring God along. We get the feeling that we know what's best for us and rather than continue to remain by God's side to make sure the way we thought was best really is, we just leave Him in our dust.
Father, we want to be just like you, and it's sometimes hard to remember that even in our best attempts to be like you, there is no better ruler over our lives than you are. In the times when we try to lean on our own strength, our own understanding of the world, we pray for brokenness so that you might be restored to the throne we often try to sit in ourselves. Make us more like you but Lord, we glorify you for who you are, the King of our lives. Help us along the way to know your presence, never let your voice part from our ears. Amen.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Why TobyMac Ruined Christian Music For Me (and why I need his forgiveness)
I'm a dreamer, always have been. I've had fleeting dreams probably since the day I was born that have ranged from police officer, to baseball player, to garbage man (hey, tell me that it wouldn't be awesome riding on the back of a truck all day and I'll call you a liar). I've dreamt of going certain places, from the coastal trails of Cinque Terra, Italy or mountain town of Gimmelwald, Switzerland to riding a bicycle across the United States.
I've missed the mark on more than I've achieved but it's because they were lacking substance for me personally. This isn't to say that being a police officer or garbage man or baseball player isn't a great dream (my friend Travis just recently joined the OKC police force and I couldn't be more proud of him) but a dream is nothing without being close to one's heart. You can't like something and consider it a dream. Liking something will leave you open to any number of excuses for not realizing something you wish for. Love on the other hand, if you have love for something, you'll stop at nothing to fulfill your dream.
I have very few lasting dreams, but to list the ones I know won't ever go away would be a very easy task so why not. In no particular order:
Husband, father, Christian.
That's it. Those are the only true dreams I have, and nothing could derail me from wanting to be those things, but a lot can disturb my efforts as it turns out, and often times that disturbance is myself.
To be a husband and a father, you must first be a boyfriend. I am fortunate enough to be boyfriend to the most incredible young woman I've ever met, and for three of her best years, she has remained patient with me and dealt with my stubbornness, and to be brutally honest, my immaturity.
There are a lot of ways I have fallen short of who she deserves me to be, but none more devastating than missing the mark on the third dream I listed, and while it pains me that for so long I have not only not been the strong leader and man of God that she fully deserves, it's that I didn't even realize it until recently.
What can I say, I'm a work in progress, and my personal progress is slow developing. I'm only coming to understand now that being a man is much about sacrificing your own sinful desire to put yourself ahead of others. The truth of the matter is that for awhile now I've tried serving two masters, myself and God, but that doesn't work. You truly cannot serve two at the same time. One will always win out over the other, and unfortunately I must confess that I often put my plans ahead of God's.
But this shouldn't really surprise me. I've shut God out of my life in many ways, not let Him permeate my life like I used to. Blame it on losing some of the wonder I once had by majoring in theology, blame it on wanting to be a contrarian, blame it on whatever, but the blame falls on me in the end and me alone. Just as a way of illustrating why I've struggled, and done entirely tongue-in-cheek, I'm going to blame it on TobyMac today.
See Toby is who ruined Christian music for me, and not for the reasons some people say they turn their backs on it, but because when I was still a teen I had the chance to meet him, a hero of mine at the time, out back of an outdoor concert in Ohio. I noticed him sitting in a minivan and so I tapped on the window, excited to talk to the guy who I had come to think was as cool as the other side of the pillow (I rocked out to Momentum more times than I can count). But I was disappointed because the man I thought I would meet turned out to not have a care in the world to talk to me. He blew me off and in that moment a part of me stopped thinking Christian musicians were anything different than mainstream ones.
My argument was flawed of course and for the past 10 years I've held a grudge with a person who A.) I'm sure doesn't remember me; B.) probably was just having a bad day; and C.) is no more imperfect than myself or anyone else.
We're flawed people, broken people, us Christ followers. It's why we'll always be followers, never catching up to the standard of Christ, never knowing how to step beyond an impossible to surpass standard of what love is, always just a tad behind the standard.
Last week I reconnected with Christian music, but more importantly, I reconnected to the God of my high school years. I remembered what it was like to just talk to God like another friend in the room, to not worry about what other people thought or whether I was holding to theologically accepted beliefs and ideologies. When did I stop holding the belief that we can never fully understand God? I'm not sure, but I'm glad to get back to it.
And so I grow, not because I'm anyone worth praise, but because in my brokenness and desire to continue moving toward my dreams, God took over and overcame my foolish pride and stubbornness as only He could.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Church Health > Church Growth
You must excuse me from breaking the letter to God format but as I have yet to receive any emails from people looking to submit anything I find myself beginning to look at this blog as more of a place for general spiritual musings. I'll still write a good deal of letters but I'll also write a bit more conventionally sometimes too. Again, if you have something you want to post, whether a reply to one of these posts or simply something that is on your heart, send it to my email at spokes4oryoungfolks@gmail.com...Now on with it!
This title is slightly ambiguous so before you attack it and disregard the post, let me clarify. What I mean by church health is that the parishioners are seeking God in their lives and living out an authentic faith. I should probably go a bit further in explaining that I'm not trying to suggest absolute human perfection either. The truth is that we are called to a different kind of perfection as followers of Christ. It doesn't mean we shouldn't seek to sin no more but there are issues that can arise when we become legalistic and almost lose sight of the fact that even the person with the absolute least amount of sin in this world is incapable of bringing about their own salvation or even standing in a higher ranking in the eyes of God, whose primary ranking criteria is as follows:
Sinners (everyone, population a whole bunch to be technical)
vs.
Sinless (Jesus Christ, population one)
Secondary criteria:
Sinners who accept Christ's gift of undeserved salvation
vs.
Sinners who build a tower of Babel to reach God (or whatever they choose to worship in their lives)
Basically, you're not going to do it yourself so lets get that thought out of our minds. I like sports metaphors so you'll have to forgive me if you're really interested in athletics, but basically the invention of fantasy leagues have made sports fans increasingly interested in statistics. In this system the value a particular player is perceived to have is completely dependent on how many points per game (PPG) or rebounds per game. Being a healthy church of believers doesn't look like a group of people who are doing well to earn God's favor through a dominant performance of sorts. It doesn't mean averaging a triple double in Souls Won to Christ (SWC), Sinless Moments (SM), and Bible Verses Memorized (BVM). None of these things are bad and just as a basketball team, whose primary goal is to win games finds themselves scoring points and getting rebounds because they are playing winning basketball, if we as the church are striving to be a healthy kingdom people we're going to see our fair share of good fruit as a direct result.
What I'm really hoping to direct our attention to is this notion that is becoming particularly popular in today's church that a healthy church is one that is growing in terms of numbers. Again numbers aren't bad, nor are they good. Numbers are quantitative by nature and can go in either direction. 100 Superheroes = Good; 100 Villains = Bad. The problem is when the overall value of us as a body of believers is entirely derived from the number of people we see come through the door.
Anybody in the church wants a high attendance figure because this can mean that the church is reaching a great number of people in the community. Churches also hope for a congregation that faithfully tithes, not only because it allows them to keep the lights on and pour out into the lives of those in need, but because tithing is a definitive act of surrender to God. It goes along with everything God wants from us, to give up trying to be the God of our own lives. To stop looking to control things out of our hands or provide for ourselves when God can do far better for us than we could ever hope.
High attendance and high tithe figures can be a bad thing though, because as I just said, numbers are neither good nor bad, but simply quantitative reflections of the things we either value or don't value. If a particular church starts out at 100 people who faithfully attend and within two years that number inflates to 1,000 people, there are a number of things we might assume about the situation. An optimist might suggest that the church simply did a great job at being the body of Christ in their community and as a result of being a light in a dark place they reached into the hearts of 900 individuals who found refuge in their congregation. That is ideal and we can only hope that this is the case all the time. Unfortunately there are other factors that might have contributed to the growth of this church. Perhaps they have great events on their calendar or a worship band that is good enough to go on tour and put out albums of their own (not dissing David Crowder Band or Hillsong here). Maybe this body of believers is meeting under an umbrella that allows them to be just a little bit too comfortable, very much looking like the world around. Again we're speculating here.
On the other hand we may have a church that was 100 people and two years later it stands at either the same or very close in either direction. The number again, is not a direct reflection of anything so much as a base from which we can begin to analyze. Could the number have stayed close to the same because the congregation was simply maintaining who they were as a counter culture and not marketing themselves to their community? Maybe they showed love but offered an uncomfortable alternative to a life of sin apart from God that is often too natural for us to shake. Following Christ doesn't mean we are no longer sinners, but that we humble ourselves before God in that sin and seek to kill off every part of us that is trying to run our own lives so that God can begin to get more of the say in how we live our lives so this scenario wouldn't be a bad one if it were the case. Then again, the numbers may have stayed nearly the same because the church became an exclusive club of insiders who were too unwelcoming or just never bothered to reach out into the darkness and show love to others.
The bottom line is that a number does not tell us anything if it stands without explanation or is further defined.
And so we come to a relevant example that is circulating around the blogosphere about Mars Hill Church in the great state of Washington (not to be confused with Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan which was founded by Rob Bell). In this article which I recommend you read (click this!) it discusses how this massive growing church (upwards of 5,000 members, not to mention thousand more attendees) deals with disciplining its members. In this case it deals with how a particular member was dealt with after confessing to cheating on his fiancee, and separately, to engaging in an inappropriate relationship outside of marriage with his fiancee as well. The member, Andrew, was dealt with harshly and cut off from the community he was once a part of. This disciplinary action was passed off as a loving act on the part of the church to allow Andrew to tend to his failing relationships with both his fiancee and God.
I will not try to make my own case for whether this church's disciplinary actions crossed the line or not but as my dear friend, and fellow young pastor Kevin Nye points out (click here this time!) it seems absurd that a church would support cutting off an individual for their personal sin when in reality there is not a soul on earth without sin of their own. And yet, even if the leadership of Mars Hill Church had not been the ones responsible for alienating Andrew to his own modern day leper colony, if we are to honestly look at ourselves in the mirror we just might see our own affinity for pointing to the splinter in one's eye while a plank remains firmly lodged in ours.
Why bring all this up? Obviously because it is perhaps as perfect an example as I can find of a church that is growing that appears to be struggling in the health department, at least when isolated to this particular area. Now to be fair it should be pointed out that any church is going to inevitably have their own weak points because it is made up of unique and flawed individuals who are trying to live against their very nature. The church is kind of like a child trying to finger paint the image of their Father. The image is not really very close to the specific and detailed image of the Father in real life and despite their best effort to replicate what they see they fall short. Yet it is their passion and desire to paint that image that makes it truly beautiful. The real thing I want you to consider is that while a growing church may seem more appealing or perceived to have higher value on a global scale, it does not get a free pass on being held accountable as a body of believers trying to authentically glorify God in this world.
Growth is good, but without health it like a spreading cancer, eating away at the larger Body it is a part of.
As always I welcome comments and criticisms on either here or you can comment on my facebook page if you wish, just please be reasonable and polite regardless of whether you're for or against what I've written.
This title is slightly ambiguous so before you attack it and disregard the post, let me clarify. What I mean by church health is that the parishioners are seeking God in their lives and living out an authentic faith. I should probably go a bit further in explaining that I'm not trying to suggest absolute human perfection either. The truth is that we are called to a different kind of perfection as followers of Christ. It doesn't mean we shouldn't seek to sin no more but there are issues that can arise when we become legalistic and almost lose sight of the fact that even the person with the absolute least amount of sin in this world is incapable of bringing about their own salvation or even standing in a higher ranking in the eyes of God, whose primary ranking criteria is as follows:
Sinners (everyone, population a whole bunch to be technical)
vs.
Sinless (Jesus Christ, population one)
Secondary criteria:
Sinners who accept Christ's gift of undeserved salvation
vs.
Sinners who build a tower of Babel to reach God (or whatever they choose to worship in their lives)
Basically, you're not going to do it yourself so lets get that thought out of our minds. I like sports metaphors so you'll have to forgive me if you're really interested in athletics, but basically the invention of fantasy leagues have made sports fans increasingly interested in statistics. In this system the value a particular player is perceived to have is completely dependent on how many points per game (PPG) or rebounds per game. Being a healthy church of believers doesn't look like a group of people who are doing well to earn God's favor through a dominant performance of sorts. It doesn't mean averaging a triple double in Souls Won to Christ (SWC), Sinless Moments (SM), and Bible Verses Memorized (BVM). None of these things are bad and just as a basketball team, whose primary goal is to win games finds themselves scoring points and getting rebounds because they are playing winning basketball, if we as the church are striving to be a healthy kingdom people we're going to see our fair share of good fruit as a direct result.
What I'm really hoping to direct our attention to is this notion that is becoming particularly popular in today's church that a healthy church is one that is growing in terms of numbers. Again numbers aren't bad, nor are they good. Numbers are quantitative by nature and can go in either direction. 100 Superheroes = Good; 100 Villains = Bad. The problem is when the overall value of us as a body of believers is entirely derived from the number of people we see come through the door.
Anybody in the church wants a high attendance figure because this can mean that the church is reaching a great number of people in the community. Churches also hope for a congregation that faithfully tithes, not only because it allows them to keep the lights on and pour out into the lives of those in need, but because tithing is a definitive act of surrender to God. It goes along with everything God wants from us, to give up trying to be the God of our own lives. To stop looking to control things out of our hands or provide for ourselves when God can do far better for us than we could ever hope.
High attendance and high tithe figures can be a bad thing though, because as I just said, numbers are neither good nor bad, but simply quantitative reflections of the things we either value or don't value. If a particular church starts out at 100 people who faithfully attend and within two years that number inflates to 1,000 people, there are a number of things we might assume about the situation. An optimist might suggest that the church simply did a great job at being the body of Christ in their community and as a result of being a light in a dark place they reached into the hearts of 900 individuals who found refuge in their congregation. That is ideal and we can only hope that this is the case all the time. Unfortunately there are other factors that might have contributed to the growth of this church. Perhaps they have great events on their calendar or a worship band that is good enough to go on tour and put out albums of their own (not dissing David Crowder Band or Hillsong here). Maybe this body of believers is meeting under an umbrella that allows them to be just a little bit too comfortable, very much looking like the world around. Again we're speculating here.
On the other hand we may have a church that was 100 people and two years later it stands at either the same or very close in either direction. The number again, is not a direct reflection of anything so much as a base from which we can begin to analyze. Could the number have stayed close to the same because the congregation was simply maintaining who they were as a counter culture and not marketing themselves to their community? Maybe they showed love but offered an uncomfortable alternative to a life of sin apart from God that is often too natural for us to shake. Following Christ doesn't mean we are no longer sinners, but that we humble ourselves before God in that sin and seek to kill off every part of us that is trying to run our own lives so that God can begin to get more of the say in how we live our lives so this scenario wouldn't be a bad one if it were the case. Then again, the numbers may have stayed nearly the same because the church became an exclusive club of insiders who were too unwelcoming or just never bothered to reach out into the darkness and show love to others.
The bottom line is that a number does not tell us anything if it stands without explanation or is further defined.
And so we come to a relevant example that is circulating around the blogosphere about Mars Hill Church in the great state of Washington (not to be confused with Mars Hill Bible Church in Michigan which was founded by Rob Bell). In this article which I recommend you read (click this!) it discusses how this massive growing church (upwards of 5,000 members, not to mention thousand more attendees) deals with disciplining its members. In this case it deals with how a particular member was dealt with after confessing to cheating on his fiancee, and separately, to engaging in an inappropriate relationship outside of marriage with his fiancee as well. The member, Andrew, was dealt with harshly and cut off from the community he was once a part of. This disciplinary action was passed off as a loving act on the part of the church to allow Andrew to tend to his failing relationships with both his fiancee and God.
I will not try to make my own case for whether this church's disciplinary actions crossed the line or not but as my dear friend, and fellow young pastor Kevin Nye points out (click here this time!) it seems absurd that a church would support cutting off an individual for their personal sin when in reality there is not a soul on earth without sin of their own. And yet, even if the leadership of Mars Hill Church had not been the ones responsible for alienating Andrew to his own modern day leper colony, if we are to honestly look at ourselves in the mirror we just might see our own affinity for pointing to the splinter in one's eye while a plank remains firmly lodged in ours.
Why bring all this up? Obviously because it is perhaps as perfect an example as I can find of a church that is growing that appears to be struggling in the health department, at least when isolated to this particular area. Now to be fair it should be pointed out that any church is going to inevitably have their own weak points because it is made up of unique and flawed individuals who are trying to live against their very nature. The church is kind of like a child trying to finger paint the image of their Father. The image is not really very close to the specific and detailed image of the Father in real life and despite their best effort to replicate what they see they fall short. Yet it is their passion and desire to paint that image that makes it truly beautiful. The real thing I want you to consider is that while a growing church may seem more appealing or perceived to have higher value on a global scale, it does not get a free pass on being held accountable as a body of believers trying to authentically glorify God in this world.
Growth is good, but without health it like a spreading cancer, eating away at the larger Body it is a part of.
As always I welcome comments and criticisms on either here or you can comment on my facebook page if you wish, just please be reasonable and polite regardless of whether you're for or against what I've written.
Friday, February 3, 2012
God Works Through the Willing
Dear God,
It's Matt. Today was pretty awesome and inspiring. I've only been in ministry all but a couple weeks so far and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to do things. Thankfully I have a great group of teens who are teaching me probably more than I'm teaching them and a church family that is very patient and forgiving of me not quite knowing what I'm doing just yet.
Today really helped me get some perspective and prepare my heart for what might be in store and I'm excited to tell you about it, but first I want to take you back to last Sunday. It was a long day for me. After service I got the chance to go out to lunch with a guy named Pat who is kind of in the same boat as I am. He too just graduated college and is in the process of starting out on his own and while he's already engaged unlike me, we had a lot in common and it was nice to be able to just sit down with someone my own age and chat awhile at Applebees. When I got back to the church I decided to just hang around town since I'm still looking for an apartment closer by and didn't want to drive a half hour back home knowing I would have to come back in an hour. I went to Caribou Coffee to get a campfire mocha and made some phone calls to my younger brother and sister.
Then I headed back to the church because we were gathering to go to an event called Winterjam that is a big concert put on by the band Newsong. We loaded up some cars and headed downtown and I got to spend the short drive chatting with Alex, who is pretty much the only young man in the youth group right now and it was great just talking with him.
At the concert we all had a great time and I realized that I'm starting to feel old at 24 because the music was too loud to me and I wished I could hide further from the speakers. What is happening to me! I don't usually care for the band Newsong because they just aren't the style I've come to like really but this time I started paying attention to their lyrics and there was a song they did about you called The Same God that celebrated how faithful you are to us and how you'll never lead us in to something without staying there to see us through it. I'll be honest, this transition from being a student is tough for me right now with trying to pay bills and get my feet under me while figuring out how to serve the kingdom by leading my teens and I probably needed to hear that song as much as any of the other 10,000 people there that night. Thank you for sticking with me and not giving me more than I can handle with you working through me. I'm reminded of my own shortcomings pretty regularly but you've always worked through the weak and unlikely and I'm just fortunate that you're willing to work in me and let me be a part of something much bigger than myself.
But let me get to today before I get too long winded (although you know me well enough by now to understand that brevity is not one of my gifts). Today was awesome as I said! I stayed up way too late last night but by 10am I was on the road heading to Mount Vernon, OH. It's about a two hour drive and one I'm obviously pretty familiar with having gone to school there for a year. Still it felt like it took forever with how tired I was and I was just savoring that iced coffee I picked up before I left.
When I got in to town I drove past the university and while there were obviously reasons I transferred out of it after a year, I couldn't help but think back and feel like that year was a part of your plan for me in an odd way. I learned a lot and even though I felt I needed to leave to attend Southern Nazarene University all the way out in Oklahoma City, I'm glad I'm back where I grew up.
I stopped by one of the churches to pick up Pastor Tom who was my youth pastor from the time I started going to church in 6th grade until right before I graduated high school. We went out for lunch and it was nice to just speak to a humble man of You (that's funny). When I think back to my youth group experience I honestly felt it was run flawlessly, but Tom is as humble as they come and was quick to admit things that he's growing in. I think the most important lesson I took away from today is that I don't need to be a perfect pastor or even a perfect Christian in the sense of having no flaws. We're all unique and there are things I'm good at but also things I struggle with and talking to Tom made me realize that you'll work with the willing to accomplish your work and demonstrate how awesome a God you are.
Thank you for being there with me through all these crazy adventures that we seem to get in to. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Until Then,
Matt
It's Matt. Today was pretty awesome and inspiring. I've only been in ministry all but a couple weeks so far and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to do things. Thankfully I have a great group of teens who are teaching me probably more than I'm teaching them and a church family that is very patient and forgiving of me not quite knowing what I'm doing just yet.
Today really helped me get some perspective and prepare my heart for what might be in store and I'm excited to tell you about it, but first I want to take you back to last Sunday. It was a long day for me. After service I got the chance to go out to lunch with a guy named Pat who is kind of in the same boat as I am. He too just graduated college and is in the process of starting out on his own and while he's already engaged unlike me, we had a lot in common and it was nice to be able to just sit down with someone my own age and chat awhile at Applebees. When I got back to the church I decided to just hang around town since I'm still looking for an apartment closer by and didn't want to drive a half hour back home knowing I would have to come back in an hour. I went to Caribou Coffee to get a campfire mocha and made some phone calls to my younger brother and sister.
Then I headed back to the church because we were gathering to go to an event called Winterjam that is a big concert put on by the band Newsong. We loaded up some cars and headed downtown and I got to spend the short drive chatting with Alex, who is pretty much the only young man in the youth group right now and it was great just talking with him.
At the concert we all had a great time and I realized that I'm starting to feel old at 24 because the music was too loud to me and I wished I could hide further from the speakers. What is happening to me! I don't usually care for the band Newsong because they just aren't the style I've come to like really but this time I started paying attention to their lyrics and there was a song they did about you called The Same God that celebrated how faithful you are to us and how you'll never lead us in to something without staying there to see us through it. I'll be honest, this transition from being a student is tough for me right now with trying to pay bills and get my feet under me while figuring out how to serve the kingdom by leading my teens and I probably needed to hear that song as much as any of the other 10,000 people there that night. Thank you for sticking with me and not giving me more than I can handle with you working through me. I'm reminded of my own shortcomings pretty regularly but you've always worked through the weak and unlikely and I'm just fortunate that you're willing to work in me and let me be a part of something much bigger than myself.
But let me get to today before I get too long winded (although you know me well enough by now to understand that brevity is not one of my gifts). Today was awesome as I said! I stayed up way too late last night but by 10am I was on the road heading to Mount Vernon, OH. It's about a two hour drive and one I'm obviously pretty familiar with having gone to school there for a year. Still it felt like it took forever with how tired I was and I was just savoring that iced coffee I picked up before I left.
When I got in to town I drove past the university and while there were obviously reasons I transferred out of it after a year, I couldn't help but think back and feel like that year was a part of your plan for me in an odd way. I learned a lot and even though I felt I needed to leave to attend Southern Nazarene University all the way out in Oklahoma City, I'm glad I'm back where I grew up.
I stopped by one of the churches to pick up Pastor Tom who was my youth pastor from the time I started going to church in 6th grade until right before I graduated high school. We went out for lunch and it was nice to just speak to a humble man of You (that's funny). When I think back to my youth group experience I honestly felt it was run flawlessly, but Tom is as humble as they come and was quick to admit things that he's growing in. I think the most important lesson I took away from today is that I don't need to be a perfect pastor or even a perfect Christian in the sense of having no flaws. We're all unique and there are things I'm good at but also things I struggle with and talking to Tom made me realize that you'll work with the willing to accomplish your work and demonstrate how awesome a God you are.
Thank you for being there with me through all these crazy adventures that we seem to get in to. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Until Then,
Matt
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